Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Unit 3 - Storytelling and Commission OGR




The Mouse - Script

1 comment:

  1. OGR 24/01/2013

    Hey Dhuran,

    You know what? I think your story is going to work out nicely, but there are some logic problems in your scenario you'll need to sort out.

    There's something confused about your environment; a palace that includes a museum of art with a butler... hmmm. How about a big country house owned by an explorer/archeologist who has a private collection of precious artefacts in his home? A big country house is much more likely to have a butler, and there's something more quintessentially English and credible about big country houses, butlers and eccentric gentlemen explorers with collections of rare things. This doesn't change your plot, but suddenly, in terms of production design, if gives you something less generic to drill into (i.e. country houses, english butler stereotypes, eccentric explorer stereotypes, and even a different time period - the Victorians, for example, were famous collectors of things and explorers from all over the British Empire, so how about setting your story in the past?).

    I don't think you need any dialogue; if at the end of the story we see 'Sir Henry Willoughby-Smythe - famous explorer' return to his country house to find his loyal butler has wrecked his collection, facial expressions and comedic timing will be sufficient.

    While I like the idea of the mouse winking at the audience, I can't help wondering if it might not be funnier still if, as the shamed butler walks away carrying his suitcase, we see that the mouse has stowed away with him and is now nibbling the butler's stuff too.

    So - just give much more thought to the actual logic of the setting of your story, because in so doing, you'll be able to be much more specific about the action that follows. Like I said, it's much more credible that your 'museum' would be within a classic English country house, because that makes sense of your butler being there, and also gives you a more rich context from which to derive your design ideas.

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